Blonde Jokes

Ohios#1TigerFan wrote:

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truc k, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Michigan and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

OMG thats hilarious!

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.
The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

A blonde walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The blonde replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia and the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The blonde becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The blonde looks quite puzzled for a moment, then light dawns in her eyes, and she laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains. "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church, and I had to quit drinking. It hasn't affected my sisters though."

Haha. these are all really funny. The sad part is, I'm a blonde

Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?

They can't get eight cups of water into that little packet.


Why was the blonde excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in six months?

Because the box said 4 to 6 years.

TG wrote:

Haha. these are all really funny. The sad part is, I'm a blonde

I guess ohio doesn't like blondes (j/k)
We gotta stick together TG, we're not all dumb :nahnah: LOL

iluvpudge7 wrote:

I guess ohio doesn't like blondes (j/k)
We gotta stick together TG, we're not all dumb :nahnah: LOL

lol. I have my moments of being blonde, but i'm not 'stereo type blonde' lol

I love it when people assume you're an idiot and then you start talking and they get that look on their face that says they're thinking, "oh, guess she's not stupid" LOL

lol. Yah I know. I'll be at school and people will be like oh you are a blonde you wouldn't understand. And then I start talking and they are like oh... I guess she might not be stupid...

iluvpudge7 wrote:

TG wrote:

Haha. these are all really funny. The sad part is, I'm a blonde

I guess ohio doesn't like blondes (j/k)
We gotta stick together TG, we're not all dumb :nahnah: LOL

I'm suprised you would even suggest that!!!! I blondes!!! I even married one...a smart one at that!!! But sometimes.....I can see her in any one of those jokes

I know, I was joking. I'm capable of being dumb sometimes too, lol

iluvpudge7 wrote:

I know, I was joking. I'm capable of being dumb sometimes too, lol

So am I!!! lol. Well, I am VERY good at that sometimes. I'm smart with school and stuff... but when it's me and my friends talking you can really tell i'm blonde (and they are pretty much all brunette, lol)

I know you 2 were just joking....but I wouldn't be me if I didn't give ya a hard time about it! It's my way of being....shall we say...."affectionate".

We ya Ohio!!!

A brunette is driving along in her car when she comes to a river. She notices that the bridge is out. Looking across the river, she sees a blond girl walking along the bank.

"How do I get to the other side" shouts the brunette.

The blond shouts back "You're already on the other side".

tigerbob wrote:

A brunette is driving along in her car when she comes to a river. She notices that the bridge is out. Looking across the river, she sees a blond girl walking along the bank.

"How do I get to the other side" shouts the brunette.

The blond shouts back "You're already on the other side".

that's a good one

iluvpudge7 wrote:

We ya Ohio!!!

Awwwwww Right back at Ya!!

tigerbob wrote:

A brunette is driving along in her car when she comes to a river. She notices that the bridge is out. Looking across the river, she sees a blond girl walking along the bank.

"How do I get to the other side" shouts the brunette.

The blond shouts back "You're already on the other side".

Okay, this is morbid and stupid but it's the sort of stuff my family laughs at:

Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

A better one:

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

TigerLily wrote:

A better one:

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

I have always LOVED this one !!!

One winter morning Norman and his wife were listening to the radio over breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the power went out.

Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time, sweetie?"

Ohios#1TigerFan wrote:

One winter morning Norman and his wife were listening to the radio over breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the power went out.

Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time, sweetie?"

hahahahaha

Death Row in Women's Prison

Three women are about to be executed. One''s a brunette, one''s a redhead, and one''s a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the
executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

There is a blonde, a redhead and a brunette on the stairway to heaven.
God says, "There are 3,000 steps and I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."

So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, the brunette laughs and goes to hell.

Then on the 2,000th step God tells a joke, the redhead laughs and goes to hell.

On the 3,000th step God tells a joke, the blonde doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate.

Suddenly, she bursts out laughing. God asks, "what are you laughing about?", so she replies, "I just got the first joke!"

Ohios#1TigerFan wrote:

There is a blonde, a redhead and a brunette on the stairway to heaven.
God says, "There are 3,000 steps and I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."

So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, the brunette laughs and goes to hell.

Then on the 2,000th step God tells a joke, the redhead laughs and goes to hell.

On the 3,000th step God tells a joke, the blonde doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate.

Suddenly, she bursts out laughing. God asks, "what are you laughing about?", so she replies, "I just got the first joke!"