Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Sun Sep 13, 2009 11:50 pm
laprimamirala wrote:
Teachable Moment: Have a will, no matter how old you are.
What's funny (or not-so-funny) is he was supposed to get one this weekend when he went up to Sacramento (he was supposed to see a concert last night). His brother was supposed to write it for him.
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Sun Sep 13, 2009 11:51 pm
GoGetEmTigers wrote:
There are a lot of collectors out there who would go crazy over buying the train stuff. You have a gold mine there, depending on the models he had.
One suggestion, from my own experience, is to keep the stuff he named after you and your sisters. Also you may want to keep a train set. My uncle gave me his antique train, when I was in my early teens. Like a fool, I sold it after about 5 years, now I am mad because it meant so much to him, and I don't have it now when I would appreciate it!
I would have a train collection expert give you an appraisal on the trains, so you are not ripped off if you sell them.
Oh I know there's good stuff there. Not sure I want to sell any of it since he worked so hard on it. Maybe in time I could get rid of trains and what not since he didn't put much effort into the cars - you just pretty much buy those. All the buildings he put together and added all kinds of detail though.
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Sun Sep 13, 2009 11:59 pm
Need opinions on two things....
1. Went to a bunch of stores all day with an aunt. Didn't buy anything but it got me out of the house all day. I felt sort of like that was inappropriate. Everyone else in my family is doing things, I'm the only one that hasn't done much of anything since Wednesday, but I'm not sure if it's right to be doing things like that. I wouldn't say I had an enjoyable day or anything, but it could have been worse.
2. My sister and I were each supposed to pick out a song for the funeral. I didn't want to buy a song accidentally slipped out of my mouth and now my sister is adamant that we have to play the song ("Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd). While the song is a somewhat popular choice, I'm concerned about playing a classic rock song at a funeral especially with his family there. While his family isn't the least bit religious 99.9% of the time, when it comes to funerals and weddings they suddenly become super strict Catholics. They're already furious we're having my dad cremated rather than buried (my dad was very adamant about wanting to be cremated - he abhorred burials and stuff since they're so expensive and nobody ever visits the grave anyways) and I think playing Pink Floyd at the funeral might make them pretty angry, too. We aren't even having a priest at the funeral (which is good, because if a priest was there my dad would find a way to leave). For those not familiar with the song...
So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, Blue skys from pain. Can you tell a green field From a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade Your heros for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange A walk on part in the war For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls Swimming in a fish bowl, Year after year, Running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here.
---------------
Update on 2: My sister talked to one of my dad's sisters and she started to mention the song I picked. Before she could even get it out of her mouth or explain why the song was significant (there is a significance to it!) she said "tell him to pick a new song". My sister got pissed off about that since she didn't even get to explain herself and now she's even more certain we must play it. My dad really didn't like his family (other than one sister who approves of the song). I kind of got mad and said if I don't play that song I'm playing "Stairway to Heaven" which is probably less appropriate but at my grandma's funeral I suggested that song (as a joke) and my dad laughed and said it was a great choice and he'd like it for his. He always liked the song because when he worked the all-night shift as a DJ he could play it (or "Nights in White Satin") and have time to run to the gas station and buy some beer before the song was over.
GoGetEmTigers DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 57424 Age : 65 Location : Eastern Ohio, near Wheeling WV Favorite Current Tiger(s) : JV, Hunter, Jackson, Porcello, Avila (really ALL of em!) Reputation : 20 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:24 am
Was you dad a Christian?
I tried to find Railroad songs (since he was a model train buff) and did find an oldie, if it fits him.
Russ Taff - Life's Railway to Heaven
It is sung by many different groups.
it is up to you and you knowing his humor or taste as to "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd or "Stairway to Heaven" which should piss them off since it talks about "buying you way to heaven"
I will see what other songs I can think of.
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:42 am
GoGetEmTigers wrote:
Was you dad a Christian?
I tried to find Railroad songs (since he was a model train buff) and did find an oldie, if it fits him.
Russ Taff - Life's Railway to Heaven
It is sung by many different groups.
it is up to you and you knowing his humor or taste as to "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd or "Stairway to Heaven" which should piss them off since it talks about "buying you way to heaven"
I will see what other songs I can think of.
While my dad was neither agnostic nor athiest, he wasn't particularly religious. He was fairly moralistic, but he hated organized religion or being preached at. I am certain he would approve of "Wish You Were Here" or "Stairway to Heaven". His sense of humor was very similar to mine and if it were up to him he'd play something like "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" by Blue Öyster Cult or "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang. He liked those songs and he'd like to play them since they're highly inappropriate for a funeral and that's just the type of thing he liked. If his family wasn't going to be there I would have worn a Christmas tie or Oakland A's tie to his funeral since I know he would have found that hysterical. The A's tie would be most ideal as we got those together at an A's game on Father's Day one year and he was an A's fan. When I told him I needed a tie for my grandma's funeral those were the first two he offered me. We both laughed and decided my mom would have been mad so I wore a red and blue striped tie instead. I'll probably wear that one again since I've worn it to every funeral I've been to. The tie my sister and I picked out for him to wear at his viewing has shamrocks on it. He was only 1/8 Irish, but he was very, very passionate about all things Ireland and the happiest I ever saw him was when him and I were in Ireland. He rarely drank alcohol but when he did it had to be Guinness beer or Jameson/Bushmills/Tulamare Dew whiskey.
My dad also loved jazz music so I probably should pick out some instrumental jazz music to serve as elevator music during the viewing. I'll probably just grab some jazz CD out of his room since all the jazz he listened to was that smooth jazz, not the real upbeat stuff.
GoGetEmTigers DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 57424 Age : 65 Location : Eastern Ohio, near Wheeling WV Favorite Current Tiger(s) : JV, Hunter, Jackson, Porcello, Avila (really ALL of em!) Reputation : 20 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Mon Sep 14, 2009 3:06 am
Irish Rovers music would be interesting!
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:50 pm
I could play "Hymn 42" by Jethro Tull. The title sounds appropriate.
laprimamirala Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 14194 Age : 62 Location : SE Michigan Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Magglio........:) Reputation : 11 Registration date : 2007-10-29
Subject: Re: My dad died Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:53 pm
How about the Chieftains? They have some cool Irish tunes too.
gdennis59 Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 7415 Age : 31 Location : Akron, Ohio Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Todd Jones, Miguel Cabrera, Jeremy Bonderman, Max Scherzer, Scott Sizemore Reputation : 13 Registration date : 2008-03-25
Subject: Re: My dad died Mon Sep 14, 2009 9:53 pm
Hmmm. I really have no knowledge on these sorta things.
Cat, really would love to help. I would say go with the Pink Floyd song if it does have the significance to it, and let that be that. His family shouldn't be getting all pissed off. Seriously, they should have more stuff to worry about than a song they don't like. If you like it, go with it.
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Tue Sep 15, 2009 1:57 am
Thanks. I think we are going to go with Pink Floyd. Even if it wasn't significant (and it isn't that significant) my dad would especially like it since it's pissing off his family - he loved to do that.
UPDATE: We're also playing Frank Sinatra's version of "My Way". I didn't listen to it and don't plan on it until the funeral but that makes 3 songs (can't remember which one my sister picked). That seems like a lot of songs to me but it's not my choice.
GoGetEmTigers DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 57424 Age : 65 Location : Eastern Ohio, near Wheeling WV Favorite Current Tiger(s) : JV, Hunter, Jackson, Porcello, Avila (really ALL of em!) Reputation : 20 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Tue Sep 15, 2009 11:27 am
catbox_9 wrote:
Thanks. I think we are going to go with Pink Floyd. Even if it wasn't significant (and it isn't that significant) my dad would especially like it since it's pissing off his family - he loved to do that.
UPDATE: We're also playing Frank Sinatra's version of "My Way". I didn't listen to it and don't plan on it until the funeral but that makes 3 songs (can't remember which one my sister picked). That seems like a lot of songs to me but it's not my choice.
gdennis59 Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 7415 Age : 31 Location : Akron, Ohio Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Todd Jones, Miguel Cabrera, Jeremy Bonderman, Max Scherzer, Scott Sizemore Reputation : 13 Registration date : 2008-03-25
Subject: Re: My dad died Tue Sep 15, 2009 10:09 pm
Glad your decision was easy.
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Wed Sep 16, 2009 1:48 am
I got my clothes to wear for the funeral since I can no longer borrow my dad's suit (he has to wear it for the viewing/funeral/etc.).
Also, I think one of our cats died.
GoGetEmTigers DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 57424 Age : 65 Location : Eastern Ohio, near Wheeling WV Favorite Current Tiger(s) : JV, Hunter, Jackson, Porcello, Avila (really ALL of em!) Reputation : 20 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Wed Sep 16, 2009 9:55 am
I feel so bad about everything you have had to go through these last few months.
I am praying for you and your family.
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Wed Sep 16, 2009 1:17 pm
Not necessarily about my dad but....
last night was the first time I've slept without waking up a million times but rather than sleep in my half aunt calls me bright and early complaining about how my family seems distant. She doesn't know where to even sit at the funeral - she's afraid my mom won't want to sit with her. Of course she won't, she'll sit with us and we'll sit in the front row. My dad was not related to her and did not like her at all.
My mom mentioned my sister and I were going to have a dinner with my dad's family and it was family-only. She was upset about that because she's family, too and feels she should be invited and she'd pay her own way. Again, she is not family. Those people have never met her. My mom isn't even going because she hasn't seen those people since my parents divorced, some of those people she's never seen.
laprimamirala Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 14194 Age : 62 Location : SE Michigan Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Magglio........:) Reputation : 11 Registration date : 2007-10-29
Subject: Re: My dad died Wed Sep 16, 2009 1:28 pm
Funerals bring up all sorts of family baggage. It's not uncommon cat. Even as a funeral church musician, I see it and my husband has dealt with it planning music for the Mass.
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Wed Sep 16, 2009 1:38 pm
She doesn't need a funeral to drive us nuts though. The Saturday before my dad died my mom had dinner at my boyfriend's house with her other sister, his boyfriend, and another couple. My half-aunt was furious she wasn't invited when she found out about it. She still brings that up. She said it was really upsetting for her to find out they'd exclude her like that...she's single so she would have been the only non-couple there. The other couple invited are two people she cannot stand furthering the notion she had no business there.
She's the one who went crazy earlier this year and tried to get us all arrested for stealing stuff from her house.
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Wed Sep 16, 2009 6:09 pm
Obituaries came out in one of the two local papers today. The idiots at the paper didn't list the location of the funeral. They gave our address instead. Hopefully the other paper gets it right. It comes out tomorrow. Funeral is Friday.
GoGetEmTigers DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 57424 Age : 65 Location : Eastern Ohio, near Wheeling WV Favorite Current Tiger(s) : JV, Hunter, Jackson, Porcello, Avila (really ALL of em!) Reputation : 20 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Wed Sep 16, 2009 6:27 pm
catbox_9 wrote:
Obituaries came out in one of the two local papers today. The idiots at the paper didn't list the location of the funeral. They gave our address instead. Hopefully the other paper gets it right. It comes out tomorrow. Funeral is Friday.
Normally you need to blame the funeral home for that one!
my guess is both will be wrong. So sad.
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Wed Sep 16, 2009 8:27 pm
GoGetEmTigers wrote:
catbox_9 wrote:
Obituaries came out in one of the two local papers today. The idiots at the paper didn't list the location of the funeral. They gave our address instead. Hopefully the other paper gets it right. It comes out tomorrow. Funeral is Friday.
Normally you need to blame the funeral home for that one!
my guess is both will be wrong. So sad.
Funeral home isn't to blame (well they indirectly are). The funeral home was supposed to forward the obituary to the papers but they didn't give us their e-mail address or return our call so we went ahead and sent it directly to both papers. They omitted quite a bit. It wasn't just to save space either - some other lady that died had a 3 column obituary (obituaries are free in the local papers since we're a small town and what not). This other lady's obituary went into detail into not only her own life, but had a few paragraphs about her husband's life who died several decades ago (where he was raised, went to school, worked, etc.). My dad's photo was also right in the crease of the page. Hopefully the other paper at least avoids that.
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Thu Sep 17, 2009 1:46 am
Coroner called.
My dad died from a pulmonary embolism (blockage of the main artery to the lung). He also had congestive cardiomyopathy (ongoing damage to the muscles of the lower chambers of the heart).
Not really sure how I feel about that. That wasn't my guess. Wikipedia says pulmonary embolisms are fatal 26% of the time so that kind of sucks. I guess it doesn't really matter though. I'm not sure if any cause of death would have been better than another. Something like arsenic poisoning probably would have been bad, but any sort of natural causes death is about the same I guess.
laprimamirala Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 14194 Age : 62 Location : SE Michigan Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Magglio........:) Reputation : 11 Registration date : 2007-10-29
Subject: Re: My dad died Thu Sep 17, 2009 8:55 am
If it's any comfort, he probably didn't know it happened. Those two conditions (along with aneurysm rupture and myocardial infarction) happen very quickly.
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Thu Sep 17, 2009 9:28 pm
Just got back from the viewing. That was horrible. I didn't really go up and look at my dad but from what I gathered, it didn't look like him at all.
To make a difficult moment worse, my mom's half-sister (no relation to my dad obviously) made a huge scene when she left and called me and made me go outside and talk to her. She thinks we were all talking about her and what not. She's been calling constantly lately (including waking me up very early on the only night I've slept well) about things. She says she knows we're upset but she is, too - he was her family (apparently losing an ex-half brother-in-law is tough). She asked my dad's family for permission to come to the post-funeral gathering tomorrow (everyone is invited, it isn't family-only) and then after they gave her permission she asked my mother and I. My dad hated this woman and she's really making this whole ordeal very difficult. Other than the last 6 months or so when she's tried to be super involved in our lives since her mother died, my dad hadn't seen her in at least 10 years. She was nothing to him. She was also upset because my real aunt was talking to my father's family and nobody cared she was upset. That aunt lived 3 houses down from my dad for the last 15 years and the two remained very good friends. His family knew that - my dad brought one of his sisters to her house less than a month ago. I'd say more but everything I start to type is very mean-spirited so I'll stop now.
bobrob2004 DTF1 MODERATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 10646 Age : 39 Location : Warren, MI Reputation : 12 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Fri Sep 18, 2009 1:30 pm
Hang in there, catbox.
I'll keep praying for you and your family.
gs78 Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 27687 Age : 46 Location : Trashy Park Michigan Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Dontrelle Willis, Brandon Inge, Maggs, Verlander, Granderson, Pudge and Todd Jones Reputation : 9 Registration date : 2007-10-06
Subject: Re: My dad died Fri Sep 18, 2009 4:32 pm
catbox_9 wrote:
Just got back from the viewing. That was horrible. I didn't really go up and look at my dad but from what I gathered, it didn't look like him at all.
To make a difficult moment worse, my mom's half-sister (no relation to my dad obviously) made a huge scene when she left and called me and made me go outside and talk to her. She thinks we were all talking about her and what not. She's been calling constantly lately (including waking me up very early on the only night I've slept well) about things. She says she knows we're upset but she is, too - he was her family (apparently losing an ex-half brother-in-law is tough). She asked my dad's family for permission to come to the post-funeral gathering tomorrow (everyone is invited, it isn't family-only) and then after they gave her permission she asked my mother and I. My dad hated this woman and she's really making this whole ordeal very difficult. Other than the last 6 months or so when she's tried to be super involved in our lives since her mother died, my dad hadn't seen her in at least 10 years. She was nothing to him. She was also upset because my real aunt was talking to my father's family and nobody cared she was upset. That aunt lived 3 houses down from my dad for the last 15 years and the two remained very good friends. His family knew that - my dad brought one of his sisters to her house less than a month ago. I'd say more but everything I start to type is very mean-spirited so I'll stop now.
She sounds like a nut if you ask me
gs78 Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 27687 Age : 46 Location : Trashy Park Michigan Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Dontrelle Willis, Brandon Inge, Maggs, Verlander, Granderson, Pudge and Todd Jones Reputation : 9 Registration date : 2007-10-06
Subject: Re: My dad died Fri Sep 18, 2009 4:34 pm
catbox_9 wrote:
I got my clothes to wear for the funeral since I can no longer borrow my dad's suit (he has to wear it for the viewing/funeral/etc.).
Also, I think one of our cats died.
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Sat Sep 19, 2009 12:38 am
gs78 wrote:
catbox_9 wrote:
Just got back from the viewing. That was horrible. I didn't really go up and look at my dad but from what I gathered, it didn't look like him at all.
To make a difficult moment worse, my mom's half-sister (no relation to my dad obviously) made a huge scene when she left and called me and made me go outside and talk to her. She thinks we were all talking about her and what not. She's been calling constantly lately (including waking me up very early on the only night I've slept well) about things. She says she knows we're upset but she is, too - he was her family (apparently losing an ex-half brother-in-law is tough). She asked my dad's family for permission to come to the post-funeral gathering tomorrow (everyone is invited, it isn't family-only) and then after they gave her permission she asked my mother and I. My dad hated this woman and she's really making this whole ordeal very difficult. Other than the last 6 months or so when she's tried to be super involved in our lives since her mother died, my dad hadn't seen her in at least 10 years. She was nothing to him. She was also upset because my real aunt was talking to my father's family and nobody cared she was upset. That aunt lived 3 houses down from my dad for the last 15 years and the two remained very good friends. His family knew that - my dad brought one of his sisters to her house less than a month ago. I'd say more but everything I start to type is very mean-spirited so I'll stop now.
She sounds like a nut if you ask me
She is. I could kind of handle her when my grandmother (her mother died) but it's a lot harder this time. She is not part of my dad's family. She means nothing to them.
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Sat Sep 19, 2009 12:39 am
gs78 wrote:
catbox_9 wrote:
I got my clothes to wear for the funeral since I can no longer borrow my dad's suit (he has to wear it for the viewing/funeral/etc.).
Also, I think one of our cats died.
As we left for the funeral we found the cat alive. Its leg is very badly broken. We didn't get to take it to the vet today due to the funeral and what not but we'll probably take it tomorrow (if we can find it again).
catbox_9 DTF1 ADMINISTRATOR Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 22295 Age : 37 Location : Paso Robles, California Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Justin Verlander Reputation : 17 Registration date : 2007-10-05
Subject: Re: My dad died Sat Sep 19, 2009 12:42 am
Had the funeral today. Quite a few people showed up and I suppose that's good. A guy my dad hadn't seen in over 30 years showed up all the way from Washington. It was sort of strange talking to him. My dad and him were at one time good friends but didn't speak much but did talk about meeting up again someday.
The funeral itself was understandably difficult. Leaving at the end was hard. It was also sort of upsetting nobody would leave my sister and I there alone. They just hung out and stuff. I'm not a particularly affectionate person but I would have liked to have a minute with my dad and sister alone and give my sister a hug or something but that didn't happen. She left for good before some others did. When she left everybody else left and left me in there by myself. I did go up and look at my dad and try to say goodbye which was hard.
laprimamirala Detroit Tiger
Number of posts : 14194 Age : 62 Location : SE Michigan Favorite Current Tiger(s) : Magglio........:) Reputation : 11 Registration date : 2007-10-29