My dad died

Doesn't have much to do with this site, but I thought I'd mention this. I went to his house today and he was dead. No idea what happened. He had no medical problems or anything like that. I saw him Monday and he seemed fine. I was going to go over there yesterday but didn't for various reasons. I guess I should have.

Oh no! I'm so so sorry! That's horrible.



How are you dealing with everything?

Thanks. I'm okay I guess. It's not like my grandma though. I liked my dad....a lot.

I'm also really getting tired of talking to police. They won't fucking leave me alone. They keep calling asking me the same fucking questions over and over. He obviously wasn't murdered or anything like that. They're going to do an autopsy. He didn't take any medications and had no known medical issues. There's nothing I can tell them that will do them any good but they still keep calling me. It's getting old fast.

I'm so sorry! What horrible news.

I'm sooooo sorry catbox! That's horrible.

Sorry about the cops, guess they're just trying to do their jobs. But it would get annoying quickly.

Thanks. I've noticed it's a lot harder to pretend like I'm taking this well today.

Garrett is right about the cops, they are probably just being told what to do and doing their job. They'll be done before long.

Yeah, they're just concerned since it was an unexpected death. I just found out they only perform autopsies on Wednesdays so we have to wait until after the autopsy before we can have any sort of funeral or anything.

I'm sure it's not easy. I'm really sorry cat.

so sorry Cbox. Take it easy. We're here to gab if needed.

Thanks. I'm trying I guess. I just feel bad I didn't go over there Tuesday like I was supposed to. His computer says he was last online at 9:30 PM which is very early for him to go to bed. Maybe he was feeling ill and tried to sleep it off and if I would have been there I would have made him get medical attention.

But you can't blame yourself. It happened this way for a reason, even if we don't know what that is.
Do you have someone staying with you or is nearby?

I'm not blaming myself per-se, I just still feel guilty or something.

I live with my mom and sister so there's people around. They're pretty upset, too. My mom has been divorced from my dad for longer than they were married, but they always stayed friendly towards each other - we all went out for dinner for my sister's 20th birthday 8/25.

catbox_9 wrote:

Thanks. I'm okay I guess. It's not like my grandma though. I liked my dad....a lot.

I'm also really getting tired of talking to police. They won't fucking leave me alone. They keep calling asking me the same fucking questions over and over. He obviously wasn't murdered or anything like that. They're going to do an autopsy. He didn't take any medications and had no known medical issues. There's nothing I can tell them that will do them any good but they still keep calling me. It's getting old fast.

Sorry to hear about your Dad passing Catbox

catbox_9 wrote:

Yeah, they're just concerned since it was an unexpected death. I just found out they only perform autopsies on Wednesdays so we have to wait until after the autopsy before we can have any sort of funeral or anything.

catbox_9 wrote:

I'm not blaming myself per-se, I just still feel guilty or something.

I live with my mom and sister so there's people around. They're pretty upset, too. My mom has been divorced from my dad for longer than they were married, but they always stayed friendly towards each other - we all went out for dinner for my sister's 20th birthday 8/25.

I felt the same way when my dad died; hang in there Catbox!

catbox_9 wrote:

Thanks. I'm okay I guess. It's not like my grandma though. I liked my dad....a lot.

I'm also really getting tired of talking to police. They won't fucking leave me alone. They keep calling asking me the same fucking questions over and over. He obviously wasn't murdered or anything like that. They're going to do an autopsy. He didn't take any medications and had no known medical issues. There's nothing I can tell them that will do them any good but they still keep calling me. It's getting old fast.

Cops piss me off; I almost got a ticket the other night coming home from a date; Cop pulls me over; claiming I was following the car in front of mine too close. I wasn't even that close either; Luckily he let me off with a warning; I guess having a good driving record helps



Be for you and your family;

gs

Oh my, I just saw this thread. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, cat. It can be an awful shock when the death is unexpected. My dad died suddenly, from a heart attack, when we lived in FL. Since he was not one to go to doctors, we had to wait for an autopsy also, since the police had to rule out murder. We found out he had a bad heart and was taking aspirin to mask the symptoms. We found lots of aspirin in his golf bag after he died (he golfed daily and we never looked in his golf bag until we were going through his stuff after he died.)

I understand how you feel. Mom and I felt mad and guilty that we did not insist he go to the hospital the day before. He thought he had flu or had been working too much (we had just had our new house built and he had been working outside with the sod they had just laid) so he went to bed to recuperate. The next morning he died suddenly.

It is ok to show emotion cat. That may be why the police are questioning you. You are partially in shock yet because of how sudden his death was and that you did not go over earlier. Don't blame yourself, you did not know anything had happened to him, and who knows if you could have done anything to save him.

Just work with the police, be truthful, and it will work out.

Like Lap said, we are here for you cat.

Thanks. The only medical things he ever complained about was sinus problems in the spring time but that's about it.

It seems so strange compared to my grandma's death earlier this year. She was in horrible health my whole life. She had cirrhosis of the liver, diabetes and very high (like 500) blood sugar whenever I checked, was overweight, never exercised, had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc. and she lived to be 79. Even as a little kid she was like that. My dad had none of those problems. I guess that's the way it works sometimes.

catbox_9 wrote:

Thanks. The only medical things he ever complained about was sinus problems in the spring time but that's about it.

It seems so strange compared to my grandma's death earlier this year. She was in horrible health my whole life. She had cirrhosis of the liver, diabetes and very high (like 500) blood sugar whenever I checked, was overweight, never exercised, had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc. and she lived to be 79. Even as a little kid she was like that. My dad had none of those problems. I guess that's the way it works sometimes.

Sad but true. My dad was in great shape, took care of himself, was hardly ever sick, and he died 6 years after retiring as a teacher, baseball and wrestling coach, a wrestling official and, like I said, golfed EVERY DAY. My grandfather was not in good shape but lived to 84. I guess it is out of our hands, we never know when it is our time to go.

It is hard, but try to remember all the good times you had with your dad. And try to make your time the best you can with those you love, who are still living.

Just got back from the funeral home. Who know planning a funeral took so long. My dad would be upset that we didn't go the super cheapest route since he wouldn't want us wasting his money on a funeral, but oh well. We are going to have him creamated since that's what he wanted. We spent an extra $200 to get miniature urns that matched the main urn for my sister and I. It's sort of morbid and I'm not sure I wanted one but my sister did so I figured I should in case I ever decide I want it.

Tough at any age, but to be so young and have to make these decisions...))))))))hugs(((((((( to ya, cat.

Thanks. As odd as it sounds, the several hours we spent at the funeral home actually weren't that bad. Probably the easiest few hours of the last few days. We even laughed. They took us to a showroom to look at urns and what not.

Talked to my dad's family today and they are going to come down Thursday for the viewing and stick around for the funeral Friday.

I watched most of the UM Football game today but felt really guilty most of the time. I didn't enjoy myself or get particularly excited about the game. That was the only game I watched today. Not sure if I should have. Everyone else is watching movies right now in the living room but I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing that.


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Also, apparently I have the most screwed up immediate family in the world. My mom thinks it would be a great idea if rather than sell my dad's house (which isn't worth a whole lot), she could move there and my sister and I could live at our current house. That way we wouldn't have to sell my dad's house (we don't want to) but we wouldn't have to live there either (right now the idea of living there seems way too weird...plus it's small and I don't think my sister and I would do well living there together with just 2 bedrooms and the 1 bath).

I've come to find that death and funerals bring out the weird and nasty side to many people. Sounds like yours is getting hit with the weird.

Hopefully your dad's relatives don't try to take the house and the items in it like vultures, like one of my friends is going through after the death of her dad. One, never seen much before relative, illegally pulled a moving van up to her dad's house and stole all sorts of stuff before the probate court could come in to appraise his estate. Someone is sure gonna be in trouble in her familie's case. The family fights have already started for her!

I continue to pray for you and your family, catbox.

No, my family is weirder, which is why I don't have any contact with them.

GoGetEmTigers wrote:

I've come to find that death and funerals bring out the weird and nasty side to many people. Sounds like yours is getting hit with the weird.

Hopefully your dad's relatives don't try to take the house and the items in it like vultures, like one of my friends is going through after the death of her dad. One, never seen much before relative, illegally pulled a moving van up to her dad's house and stole all sorts of stuff before the probate court could come in to appraise his estate. Someone is sure gonna be in trouble in her familie's case. The family fights have already started for her!

I continue to pray for you and your family, catbox.

Oh, no they won't do anything like that. We were sort of concerned about how things would work with my dad's house and cars since he didn't have a will or anything but my dad's brother (who at after my parent's divorce really hated my mom) called her and said he'd help straighten all that out and would make sure it didn't have to go to probate or anything (he's a lawyer). My dad's 401K (or 4-something or other) had beneficiaries so we don't have to worry about that (my dad never changed it though so my mom is gets 100% of the money :haha: she said she'd give it to us obviously). When my dad retired he took the option so that if he died within 10 years (it ended up being 5) my sister and I could split his pension for the remainder of the 10 years (he actually had my sister and I on that, not my mom). My mom had/has my dad as the executor of her estate (and she made her living trust years after they divorced) so she'll have to change that at some point.

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Speaking of possessions though, my dad was really into model railroads and he has tons of stuff. My sister and I weren't into that at all. I don't know what to do with all that stuff. I mean I can't just throw it away. It was sort of personal, too - on his layout there were buildings and he'd name them after stuff that was personal to us. There was Ryan's (some sort of shop) and Katie's (something else). There was a billboard for Debby and ex's tow service, now celebrating 10 great years. He had signs in the windows that were pro-Michigan sports and what not (he was a fan of Bay area sports).

He also has thousands of albums from when he was a DJ back in the 60s/70s but we'll keep those - I like most of that music anyways.

Teachable Moment: Have a will, no matter how old you are.

Try to sell what you don't want on eBay...there are many estate pieces for sale there.

There are a lot of collectors out there who would go crazy over buying the train stuff. You have a gold mine there, depending on the models he had.

One suggestion, from my own experience, is to keep the stuff he named after you and your sisters. Also you may want to keep a train set. My uncle gave me his antique train, when I was in my early teens. Like a fool, I sold it after about 5 years, now I am mad because it meant so much to him, and I don't have it now when I would appreciate it!

I would have a train collection expert give you an appraisal on the trains, so you are not ripped off if you sell them.