3 word baseball story thread!!!

catbox_9 wrote:

bobrob2004 wrote:

I'm going to read this someday. Not today though

Would it help if it was published?

But I might just wait for the movie instead.

bobrob2004 wrote:

catbox_9 wrote:

bobrob2004 wrote:

I'm going to read this someday. Not today though

Would it help if it was published?

But I might just wait for the movie instead.

That can be arranged (not the movie part).

Spoiler:

catbox_9 wrote:

bobrob2004 wrote:

catbox_9 wrote:

bobrob2004 wrote:

I'm going to read this someday. Not today though

Would it help if it was published?

But I might just wait for the movie instead.

That can be arranged (not the movie part).

Spoiler:

Really?

Yeah, it actually can. I'll try and put something together :haha:

I did a little editing to improve the readability of this story. Here is the version we'll submit to publishers:

Yesterday, Andrew Miller threw a baseball and accidentally hit Chuck Hernandez causing him to die. Magglio Ordoñez and Ryan Raburn started crying and Jim Leyland chain-smoked. Young Andrew was shaking in his parent's damp basement. He called his high school pitching coach saying he loved Cuba this time of year. Meanwhile, Dave Dombrowski was busy pondering, weak and weary over who would replace Miller, now in jail. In Toledo's roation there was a young lefty hurler, also in jail who would cry because Bubba liked to doing awful things to him. Meanwhile, Judge Judy let Andrew out! Unfortunately, the Supreme Court reversed the decision. Luckily, Andrew broke out and escaped! Free, Andrew called SoulRat to pick him up so she could take him to Vegas.

Meanwhile, Leyland was invited to Miller's wedding, but cried because he loves weddings.

Suddenly, Chuck Hernandez miraculously woke up! He was also invited to the wedding, but he could not go. Andrew married a lovely maid who was named SoulRat. On the honeymoon, SoulRat discovered herpes on Miller. Miller must have played around with both George Steinbrenner's team, the New York Yankees, and a teammate named Neifi Perez. She decided to marry a different player and got divorced. Miller was very heartbroken and teary that he had lost his lover.

She wasn't all that upset; however, because Andrew's sweat cures herpes for some reason so she stayed, curing Andrew never actually remarrying and divorcing despite what was implied earlier.
Then, Magglio showed up with Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez and Mike Rabelo carrying a big jar of olives. SoulRat left angrily, returning with oil to rub on his plantar fasciitis and gluteus maximus. Afterwards, SoulRat called over Magglio, Pudge, and Mike and told them that Pudgemaggs wants them to go home to plan a wedding and engagement party for SoulRat and Curtis Granderson, but Curtis said to marry Verlander instead, or stay married to Andrew Miller! SoulRat said no, I like women and
will divorce Andrew at once!

Andrew, who already has a new lover, called SoulRat over to say. His lover’s name was Charles Brandon Inge.

Meanwhile, back in Detroit, Kenny Rogers was talking with teammate Justin Verlander about how they loved to watch Sean Casey run. Casey, while eavesdropping, got all pissed off. While stroking a pistol, he said to himself “I can't shoot those guys, so I will shoot PAWS instead!” Then PAWS drank cyanide to avoid dying by gunshot. It made him die painlessly. Verlander sprinted towards the mascot, now dead. Everyone cried and then Verlander attacked Sean Casey's ear. Casey started crying about what Verlander did to him. He then decided to throw the baseball to Timo Perez and out of his pocket came Neifi Perez's methamphetamines, which he takes daily.

Meanwhile, Casey's underwear, which was indeed the color purple, ripped when he ran home. Afterwards, Cameron Maybin went over and talked to Carlos Guillen about what he thought of Miller's boyfriend, Inge.

"Caliente," exclaimed Guillen.

“Marry him,” Maybin joked.

Guillen blushed.

Back in Vegas, which is apparently where the previous ordeal with SoulRat and company took place, Pudge ate some Doritos. After that, Todd Jones joined them in Vegas. They went swimming.

Then, Jones said, "I can't swim!"

"I'll teach you," said a skinny-dipping Tiger named Zach Miner.

Disgusted, Jones left. He then went back home.

Meanwhile, down in Lakeland, Florida Ryan Raburn broke his left hip while he was doing Jim Leyland's fingernails. Raburn cried like a little girl and then he ate a fish - a catfish! Afterwards, he got sick and almost died. Lo_x15 cried and Raburn got better as his tears were also magical.

"That was fast!" thought Ryan Raburn. "I should keep away from Lo! She's crazy and a bitch, too!"

Ryan was clearly bored so he smacked catbox_9 because Raburn is a jerk.

Tigerswinloseordraw lovingly fed Jim Leyland's fingernails to a hungry dog just for the hell of it.

Afterwards, Lo kicked Raburn in the crotch for calling her fat. Raburn did this because he is apparently a total jerk. Then, Raburn made out with teammate Pudge. Disgusted, Lo ran like a gorilla to the nearest Home Depot so she could buy a really big bucket of paint to blind herself with. She would feed the rest of the paint to Raburn's teammate whose name was Nate Robertson.

Earlier that day at the beach, a skinny-dipping Tiger named Jose Mesa was skinny-dipping with teammate Neifi Perez when in jumped nude teammate Bobby Seay! Everyone realized what they were naked, so they got drunk and then Leyland called the cops.


• • • •


"Arriba" shouted Magglio, still in Lakeland.

"Muy caliente" shouted Tim Byrdak mockingly, while thinking of Pudge.

Meanwhile, Chad Durbin showered his wife with terrible news - the dog was pregnant. Chad punched the neighbor for raising a slutty dog. "Get that dog fixed!" yelled the drunken Durbin. However, the damage was done. The neighbor, now bloody and bruised had died. At the pool, Crystal Durbin drowned herself. The cops came. Chad was arrested.

Meanwhile the dog, named Bobsey, walked all the way to San Francisco and buried Barry Bonds in McCovey Cove.

Back in Detroit, nearly every single player save one - Mr. Bobby Seay, who was still drunk - used performance-enhancing drugs. Refusing rehab, Seay killed his doctor at the intervention. While in heaven, the doctor cried.

In jail, Seay and Durbin dropped the soap while showering. They both reached for the soap and it turned into a yellow rose somehow. At dinner cdurbfan22 told Chad to break out.

Chad said “no”, but then he said to her "Okay, I'll do it!"

Cdurb then said, "we need a plan to get you out of here!"

Chad then explained that he had a friend who spoke Portuguese.

"Is he married?" asked cdurbfan22.

"Why's that matter?"

"It doesn't really, but I need to know if we can trust him".

"We can!"

Durbin and Seay decided to combine their talents and break out using their ambidextrous bodies.

Once free, they went directly to Verlander's parent's house. Mrs. Verlander's finger was being surgically reconnected so she wasn't home – or so everyone thought. Mr. Verlander was too busy to notice that the finger was crawling towards him and she was right behind it. Mrs. Verlander and her reattached finger had been shot, hence the crawling.

Justin came home and started to cry about his mom, Kathy. He showed Kathy her wound and his dad Richard cried because he would miss her, at least at first.

Suddenly Justin's iPhone stopped working. He decided to use Bobby's phone instead but his was off, not working. Kathy's phone started to ring. Justin started sobbing. On the display, her lover had called. Surprisingly it was Verlander's teammate named Joel Zumaya! He began dating Kathy while Justin was pitching his no-hitter.

The locker-room was empty. The funeral home near Comerica Park was long. Verlander’s young brother, Benjamin solaced Justin by doing something stupid. Then, Ben went to see his grandpa who lived in Virginia.

Afterwards, Ben and Justin decided to have ice cream. Their favorite flavor wasn't available so they decided to have haggis instead. The smell was surprisingly pleasant. They loved the plethora of aromas.

After eating, the Brothers Verlander boarded a jet headed towards California. Where they went to visit catbox and sign autographs for $75. Cat was excited, since he didn't mind spending $75. Justin explained to Cat that his was free, and
Justin signed away! Justin signed Cat's old socks because the smell reminded him of Virginia. Ben offered to sign Cat's ceiling. He refused and donated the $75 to his own bank account. Besides, the ceiling already was autographed - by catbox for some reason! Ben was so disappointed he killed a dog.

Justin then yelled , "Why did you kill that dog?"

Ben replied saying, "I miss my mommy!"

Catbox said, " Are you going to let him go?"

"What?" asked Ben.

"Nevermind" said Catbox.

Meanwhile, back in Detroit, Edgar Renteria ate at Little Ceasar's Pizza because Mike Ilitch gave him it.

Then, Ilitch decided to kill someone, so he called Tim Byrdak's mistress Juanita arranging a hit - Mike Hessman must die! Poisoning Hessman's glove was Juanita's plan. She didn't consider that Hessman had a new glove. Hessman gave the old glove to Curtis Granderson who was wearing it. Sadly, Granderson soon died while catching a fly ball. This magnificent catch saved the game, winning the Tigers the pennant, even though Curtis died.

People were mourning everywhere, except Kentucky (especially in Louisville where they celebrated), people cried hysterically.

Punishment fell swift on Juanita - she was condemned to be executed quickly.

In a shocking twist, the governor, who was sleeping with Juanita at the time, pardoned her.

Furious, Granderson's mother slapped Juanita right across the face.

“Shit!” Juanita yelled before somehow dying.

Mr. Granderson's testament determined that his wife, guilty, should die. She was executed at sundown.

Meanwhile, Mr. Ilitch called Jeremy Bonderman because Edgar Renteria complained about being too ugly for a shortstop! Bondo was surprised and strangely delighted that Illich cared. Bondo then collapsed because he broke his pitching arm while he was moving boxes with his wife and daughter trying to flee the country. They were going to Mexico because that is where the peaches are rotten.

Meanwhile, Dave Dombrowski traded Bobby Seay to the Houston Astros for Roy Oswalt. Oswalt soon died in his sleep. The Astros knew this was going to happen, that’s why they approved such an unlikely trade.

There was soon a funeral for Roy. Everyone was really apathetic. They wanted to go bowling and go gambling and eat Whitecastle. In Vegas, they entered a wedding chapel to watch random weddings. Astonishingly, they met Queen Elizabeth II with recently divorced King Juan Carlos.

"Hola muchachos," the king said to some Tigers, "what happens in Vegas stays here!"

"Perfect! So let's go tell everyone what we did - then they will think we're cool!" said a Tiger, who asked his name not be printed.

So of course he told everyone and had pictures to prove. This caused uproar between the British and Spanish and a war suddenly broke out, millions died.

Meanwhile, Mike Rabelo was badly injured - he slipped while helping rob a bank against his will. His injuries included a broken wrist, collapsed lung, two broken legs, and shattered pelvis. MrsRabelo and SoulRat fell in love with the responsible surgeon who helped Rabelo become a woman after healing him.

Catbox then walked to his bed, only to find no pillows left. So he went to sleep elsewhere. He was dreaming of riches.

Meanwhile, back in Vegas, underage Rick Porcello drank some alcohol and was arrested. Then he died because he drank a cocktail offered by someone. It was antifreeze and everyone knows Porcello's father was the Antifreeze King and therefore the murderer. Porcello's grandpa, a new mafia don named Sam Dente, called his "family" to kill everyone involved in this story.


The End.