Misc. Baseball Jokes

According to the Chicago Tribune, the following statistic was given in the press notes for the June 7 Chicago-Oakland game:

The Oakland Athletics are 32-0 in games in which they have scored more runs than their opponents.

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A conceited new rookie was pitching his first game. He walked the first five men he faced and the manager took him out of the game. The rookie slammed his glove on the ground as he yelled, "Damn it, the jerk took me out when I had a no-hitter going."

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A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.

For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started.......the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts" And the patients complied by standing up.

After the anthem ...he yelled, "Down Nuts". And they all sat back down in their seats.

After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all brokeout into applause and cheered.

When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts!!!" and they all started booing and cat calling.

Thinking things were going very well. The doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked," What in the world happened? "

The assistant replied, "Well, everything was going just fine till a vendor passed by and yelled PEANUTS!"

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A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."

"You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk."

"Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks."

The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"

"Roof!"

"Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?"

"Bark!"

"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"

"Ruth!"

"I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties."

The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."

As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"

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A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run....run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!" A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!" The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused.

A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whisper, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls." After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and
screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"

A conceited new rookie was pitching his first game. He walked the first five men he faced and the manager took him out of the game. The rookie slammed his glove on the ground as he yelled, "Damn it, the jerk took me out when I had a no-hitter going."

One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.

Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here".

"Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires."

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One morning in elementary school, the students were going to a geography class. The teacher wanted to show the students where cities and states are.

The teacher asks the class, "Does anyone know where Pittsburgh is?" Billy raises up his hand and says, "Yeah, Pennsylvania!". The teacher replies, "Very good, Billy!, now can anyone tell me were Detroit is?"

Suzy raises her hand and says, "That's in Michigan!" The teacher again says, "Very good."

Trying to confuse the children, she now asks, "Where's Kansas City?" Tommy raises his hand and says, "Oh Oh Pick me!!!, I know?" The teacher says, "OK, Tommy where is Kansas City?"

"Last place."

!!

bobrob2004 wrote:

One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.

Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here".

"Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires."

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One morning in elementary school, the students were going to a geography class. The teacher wanted to show the students where cities and states are.

The teacher asks the class, "Does anyone know where Pittsburgh is?" Billy raises up his hand and says, "Yeah, Pennsylvania!". The teacher replies, "Very good, Billy!, now can anyone tell me were Detroit is?"

Suzy raises her hand and says, "That's in Michigan!" The teacher again says, "Very good."

Trying to confuse the children, she now asks, "Where's Kansas City?" Tommy raises his hand and says, "Oh Oh Pick me!!!, I know?" The teacher says, "OK, Tommy where is Kansas City?"

"Last place."

....but not for long!!

This really happened, and is not a joke, but it is very funny!!! This team is very good and about 30 miles from me. I just love the terms!


Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Cause for a pause

Bonds receives an offer


Detroit News wire services

 Barry Bonds has a public offer on the free-agent market -- from the independent Washington (Pa.) Wild Things, who play not far from where Bonds began his major league career in Pittsburgh.

 Of course, a pay cut is involved.

 Bonds, who made about $16 million last season for the Giants, would have to settle for the independent Frontier League's maximum salary of $1,200 per month. There are extras, though: The Wild Things are offering a 50-50 share on merchandise sales and a pledge to find a host family for Bonds so he doesn't have to rent an apartment in this southwestern Pennsylvania
city. On the road, Bonds would get a king-sized single room.

 "Many of the great ones eventually return to where their careers began," general manager Ross Vecchio said Tuesday.

That's funny. Sounds like they're ripping of Toledo's idea of taking a free agent though...

Go Mud Hens!

They are.....Toledo Rules!!