Ladies, comebacks that you've always needed!

Ok so these aren't technically jokes but they are funny!

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Funny!!

I've heard many of those before. Can't remember where though!!

tigersaint wrote:

I've heard many of those before. Can't remember where though!!

That's because they were told to YOU in a bar somewhere!

Ohios#1TigerFan wrote:

tigersaint wrote:

I've heard many of those before. Can't remember where though!!

That's because they were told to YOU in a bar somewhere!

Ohios#1TigerFan tigersaint

LMAO Real cute there, Saint! But you just KNEW I wasn't gonna leave that alone! LOL

That's because I "Gift Wrapped" it for ya!!

714 Posts!!

I'm "Ruthian"!!!!!

That's why my pickup lines don't work...

catbox_9 wrote:

That's why my pickup lines don't work...

Mine neither!! I just use a club!!

tigersaint wrote:

catbox_9 wrote:

That's why my pickup lines don't work...

Mine neither!! I just use a club!!

So easy, a Caveman can do it!

A wife standing in front of the mirror said to her husband, "I feel fat and ugly, give me a compliment."

He said, "You have perfect eyesight".

One day two men are playing a round of golf at a local golf course.
During their game, a rather lengthy funeral procession passes by.

One of them is about to tee off when he notices the funeral procession. He stops, takes off his hat and places it over his heart. He does this until the funeral procession passes by.

His friend, having witnessed this, tells him that was the most remarkable gesture he has ever seen.

His friend looks up from his stance and says..."Well, I was married to her for 20 years its the least I could do".

*Takes notes*

TigerLily wrote:

*Takes notes*

Not ALL men are that rutheless.....good luck finding the ones that aren't!

Ohios#1TigerFan wrote:

TigerLily wrote:

*Takes notes*

Not ALL men are that rutheless.....good luck finding the ones that aren't!

I'm just prepping myself... just in case. A girl's got to be prepared.

Nothing wrong with being prepared...I wish I would have been the 1st time around...lol

So far most of the decent guys in my area are married! Lot's of idiots available, I wonder why?!

GoGetEmTigers wrote:

So far most of the decent guys in my area are married! Lot's of idiots available, I wonder why?!

That IS a mystery.

TigerLily wrote:

GoGetEmTigers wrote:

So far most of the decent guys in my area are married! Lot's of idiots available, I wonder why?!

That IS a mystery.

A Mystery??? Hmmm.....time to call in Scooby Doo and the gang!

GoGetEmTigers wrote:

So far most of the decent guys in my area are married! Lot's of idiots available, I wonder why?!

You mean there are ones that aren't idiots? *is very confused*

mrsrabelo wrote:

GoGetEmTigers wrote:

So far most of the decent guys in my area are married! Lot's of idiots available, I wonder why?!

You mean there are ones that aren't idiots? *is very confused*

Ohios#1TigerFan wrote:

TigerLily wrote:

GoGetEmTigers wrote:

So far most of the decent guys in my area are married! Lot's of idiots available, I wonder why?!

That IS a mystery.

A Mystery??? Hmmm.....time to call in Scooby Doo and the gang!

And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling kids!!! lol

Man those are funny. They weren't the first time I heard them though.

Crossing the country, man and wife go without exchanging a word for miles. At a point they see some cows by the roadway.

"Your relatives?" jokes the man.

"Yes. My in-laws," answers the woman.