Spousal Control

Three guys are talking in a pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of
control they have over their wives; the third remains quiet. After a while one of
the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you? What sort of
control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night, my wife came to me on
her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked.

"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'"

A man and his wife were having a heated discussion. The man took off his jeans and handed them to his wife and said "Here...Put these on". The wife did as she was told, only to find they were way too big for her. She looked at her husband and said "I can't wear these!" Her husband replies "That's right! You can't! So remember...I Wear the pants in this house!"

The wife then turns and looks at him, hand him a pair of her pants and says "Here....put these on." The husband doesn't even get one leg in them when he says "I can't get into these" The wife gets an evil grin on her face and replies "That's right....you can't. And if you keep up with that attitude, You will never get in them Again!"

Funny stuff!
:haha:

A Scotsman phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction.
"$85 for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied.

"$85!!! Huv ye no'got anythin' cheaper?"

"That's the normal charge," said the dentist .

"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anesthetic?"

"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock $15 off.

"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without an anesthetic?"

"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful, but the price could drop to $40".

"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin'?"

It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist. "and it's going to be very traumatic, but I'll c harge you $5."

"Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman. "Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?

When I got home last night my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive.

So I took her to the gas station!

At over $4 a gallon....I'd be better off driving a car that runs on pure alcohol, like moonshine! LOL

Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their carts around Lowe's Building Supply when they collide.
The old timer says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.

'The young guy says, 'That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'

The old guy says, 'Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?'

The young guy says, 'Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?'

The old timer says, 'Doesn't matter --- let's look for Yours.'

A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've some bad news. You have cancer, and you had best put your affairs in order.'
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. 'Well daughter,we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things do not go so well. In this case, things are not well. I have cancer.Let's head to the club and have a martini.'

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.' The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS.'

The woman said, 'I don't want any of those women sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'