Men Bashing (sorry men, we love you, really)

1. Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in
pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.

2. Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck & the noose.

3. Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.

4.How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there & waits for the world to revolve around him. OR. Three - one to screw in the bulb, two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

5. Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

6. Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath &
calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

7. Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A.Because not one will stop and ask directions.

8. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts

9. Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

10. Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

11. Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

12. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

SoulRat wrote:

8. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts

But they DON'T do this! It's a myth!

catbox_9 wrote:

SoulRat wrote:

8. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts

But they DON'T do this! It's a myth!

Well they SHOULD!

Not really Bashing...but funny anyway!

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands free
speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops
to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: " Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?
MAN: "A grand, sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: " I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new
2006 models, I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: ..."$90,000.?"
MAN: .."OK, but for $90,000, I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...The house I wanted last year
is back on the market They're asking $950,000."
MAN: 'Well, go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will
probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50
thousand. It is clearly a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK, I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye. I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him
in astonishment, mouths agape... He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this
phone belongs to?" :-)

catbox_9 wrote:

SoulRat wrote:

8. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts

But they DON'T do this! It's a myth!

Black Widow's may not....but Praying Mantise Do!! They Rip the head off the male! gee...sounds like a typical woman when her hubby diagrees with her! LOL

Ohios#1TigerFan wrote:

Not really Bashing...but funny anyway!

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands free
speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops
to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: " Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?
MAN: "A grand, sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: " I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new
2006 models, I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: ..."$90,000.?"
MAN: .."OK, but for $90,000, I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...The house I wanted last year
is back on the market They're asking $950,000."
MAN: 'Well, go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will
probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50
thousand. It is clearly a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK, I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye. I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him
in astonishment, mouths agape... He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this
phone belongs to?" :-)

That's great! I kept waiting for the non-clean part (it started out in a locker room) but it wasn't there which means I don't have to delete this!

HAHAHHAH That made me laugh.

Ohios#1TigerFan wrote:

catbox_9 wrote:

SoulRat wrote:

8. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts

But they DON'T do this! It's a myth!

Black Widow's may not....but Praying Mantise Do!! They Rip the head off the male! gee...sounds like a typical woman when her hubby diagrees with her! LOL

HAHAHAHA

SoulRat wrote:

catbox_9 wrote:

SoulRat wrote:

8. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts

But they DON'T do this! It's a myth!

Well they SHOULD!

Those if us that have been married aren't bothered at all!!

....used to this kind of abuse.

Look forward to it, even......

Funny this topic comes up-I saw that on Animal Planet a while back. Not only does the female eat the male's head off-the male keeps right on bonking her-just like a guy. Apparently there is some kind of brain stem that allows them to live long enough to finish the job! I'm not making that up-explains the male/female relationship well I thought!

Pudgerocks wrote:

Funny this topic comes up-I saw that on Animal Planet a while back. Not only does the female eat the male's head off-the male keeps right on bonking her-just like a guy. Apparently there is some kind of brain stem that allows them to live long enough to finish the job! I'm not making that up-explains the male/female relationship well I thought!

LOL!

Pudgerocks wrote:

Funny this topic comes up-I saw that on Animal Planet a while back. Not only does the female eat the male's head off-the male keeps right on bonking her-just like a guy. Apparently there is some kind of brain stem that allows them to live long enough to finish the job! I'm not making that up-explains the male/female relationship well I thought!

omfg

....brings a whole new meaning to the term, "Giving head"!!

tigersaint wrote:

....brings a whole new meaning to the term, "Giving head"!!

MAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tigersaint wrote:

....brings a whole new meaning to the term, "Giving head"!!

And I thought I had issues!!!! LOL

Well, you DO live in Ohio. That would give ANYBODY issues!!

tigersaint wrote:

Well, you DO live in Ohio. That would give ANYBODY issues!!

Fair enough! I guess that explains a lot and grants me a Pardon! LOL

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she
Selected:

A half-gallon 2 % milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce
A 2 lb. Bag of coffee,
And 1 lb. Package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to
Check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she
Placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk
Calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but
She was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she
Was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the
Belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her
Selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her
Marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: "Well,
You know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth
Did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

OMG HAHAHAH!!

Ohios#1TigerFan wrote:

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she
Selected:

A half-gallon 2 % milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce
A 2 lb. Bag of coffee,
And 1 lb. Package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to
Check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she
Placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk
Calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but
She was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she
Was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the
Belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her
Selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her
Marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: "Well,
You know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth
Did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

That's great!

LOL Who says Drunks aren't observant?

Ohios#1TigerFan wrote:

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she
Selected:

A half-gallon 2 % milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce
A 2 lb. Bag of coffee,
And 1 lb. Package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to
Check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she
Placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk
Calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but
She was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she
Was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the
Belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her
Selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her
Marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: "Well,
You know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth
Did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

You didn't know I was standing in line behind you when you told her that...did you? :haha:

....brings a whole new meaning to the term, "Giving head"!!


oh sorry..... thought this was the pudge thread :Shrug:

soul those are :haha: