Only three more to go.

No wait, just two!

Oops there it is... :lol: No 1500!

On Woodward Avenue, Tiger fans cheered when they realized that Todd Jones blew his nose. They were astounded; Gary Sheffield hit Hairston, Jr's face and his hamstring unexpectedly started hurting. But Jones vanished anyways.

Anyways, the real story goes like this: yesterday Clete Thomas woke up, hungover next to teammate Brandon Inge. Upstairs lay a now dead Jimmy Leyland. The telephone rang, it was the cops!

"Run!" yelled Brandon.

Clete Thomas obeyed. While running, they saw a cat, mean as hell, and Brandon kicked it. He didn't really hurt it.

Clete walked down to the liquor store for some rum, vodka, and baby food. Then, he decided to go home. Brandon followed.

"Wait!" Brandon yelled, "We forgot hand moisturizer! We also forgot about Todd Jones!"

"Why do we care about him?," proclaimed Clete.

"Because I love him!," shouted a nearby woman - Clete Thomas' wife.

"Susie?!?" Clete called.

"Go Away, Clete!"

"Haha." Brandon laughed.

Clete committed suicide. Brandon and Susie started making out, then up walked suicidal Todd Jones.

"What the heck is Todd Jones drinking antifreeze for?" asked Brandon.

"He feels as if he should die," said Jones, speaking in third-person.

"Performance-enhancing drugs must be to blame," said Susie.

"Your so emo," began Brandon Inge, "even a blind squirrel can breathe".

"What?" asked Susie.

"Starting fluid copiously poured," retorted Inge.

"What are you talking about?" asked Susie.

"Incense and Peppermints meaningless nouns!"

"Forget it, I hate you!"

With that, Susie left and Brandon stayed crazy.

Meanwhile, Jim Leyland started stinking, still dead. His widow accused Inge of murder. Inge denied everything despite being guilty. He thought that lying would help. However, it wouldn't help - the evidence proved that he was guilty.

At the trial, Brandon slipped on oil and died.

Then, a person named Zach Miner took creative liberties and stole Inge's body, along with Clete's. He took them, awkwardly hoisting each above his head, home so that his dog, Sparky, could eat them. The police were non-suspicious because they're incompetent.

Jones, still alive, died - some cared. Gdennis59, the most upset, cried significantly. After a few days, he stopped crying. Miraculously, Todd Jones' mother didn't cry.

So days passed and nothing happened. But after awhile, something boring happened on a dark, stormy night - Mamma Mia was playing in theatres and Verlander went because his girlfriend wasn't home. Justin discovered popcorn grease on his pants - similar to pine tar. Justin was not upset - he loved the movie. Later, he saw it again.

Upon Leyland's grave lay a drunk Curtis Granderson. Curtis may have helped kill Leyland because Jim repeatedly criticized Curtis for hitting triples.

Meanwhile, Susie, Justin, and Curtis, watching Family Guy, had an idea - they'd go gambling in Las Vegas. Along the way, Justin married Susie.

"Wakeup little Susie," started newlywed Verlander, "let's play 'catch' ".

"That's disgusting, Justin" said Susie.

"No it's not," said Justin.

"Okay, fine."

Afterwards, starting fluid leaked out Justin's Honda Civic and his Porsche. He was apathetic. The fumes revived a sleeping rat who promptly shuffled into the Civic.

Racing down Woodward Ave was Matt Joyce brandishing Louisville Sluggers to rob a bank with. Mike Ilitch wrote checks during the robbery. Edgar Renteria smiled shyly while being robbed.

Back at Comerica Park it started raining. Nearby, lightning struck the flagpole at Comerica. It fell on the mayor, killing him. Joyce became Mayor before quitting after being diagnosed with terminal brain cancer.

Coming back to life were bellbottom pants.

"Groovy," proclaimed Verlander wearing Susie's bellbottoms.

Renteria wasn't amused because Susie stole his hip huggers. Edgar killed her spirit. She cried then shot Edgar in his ass. Edgar used Aflac for his bills. He called Carlos for no reason. Carlos told him he had hemorrhoids. Edgar was delighted and Carlos became a shortstop.

Meanwhile, Verlander, who was wearing peace beads, removed his bellbottoms because they were preventing him from seeing the rubber wrapped around his left knee. Verlander's high socks climbed to Susie's knees. She giggled out loud after Justin Verlander pitched a coconut out the hotel window.

"Where's the rum?" Verlander asked Susie. In this Pina Colada, there was more drugs than drinks, Vicotinis for everyone. Kenny Rogers bartending, everyone was drinking except Nate Robertson who was flirting with disaster surely, with Kari Dombrowski! Being held hostage by the team who demanded immediate welfare from Obama. Obama declined intimidatingly and he said: "Ask me after the 2008 Election when Sarah Palin's other daughter decides to get pregnant.". Cindy McCain was shocked - her husband decided to remarry Carol Shepp instead of admitting being in love with Joe the plumber.

End of Story?

Since we did a negative stuff happens one, and the Tigers had a bad season, maybe we should start a positive stuff happens one and hope for a good year for 2009.

Tigers win Series

Now that is a three word story that rocks!